Time. There’s never enough to do all the things I want to do. I don’t have a good sense of the passage of time.

My adhd makes it hard to feel. I’m passionate about music but thrive with a conductor, my tempo wavers and surges when I attempt it solo. I can get sucked into activities that make time fly like magic because the world slips away. Or I can get hugely frustrated because it drags while I’m waiting (deep breaths and telling myself that this is an opportunity to practice being a patient person works here sometimes)

This interesting relationship with time makes for a lot of stress in daily life. Getting to places on time is hard, the shame of being considered flaky and late was crippling as I grew up and the strategies I’ve developed to try to avoid that are carefully honed! I almost can’t convey the feeling of deep rest that the rare mornings where I don’t have work or parental responsibilities that require me to shape my morning around getting somewhere for a specific time brings me.

I used to work in an office where my two colleagues would routinely stop for a coffee at 11am. It just happened. It baffled me how they even knew that time of day had rolled around without an alarm of some kind! I’d be absorbed in what I was doing. Sometimes it seemed as if I’d just started a task when the kettle was clicked on.

So… as this is a “how to” post I thought I’d share some of the things I have learned.

I try to go to bed and get up at consistent times. Hopefully my body clock will help me to realise the rhythms of the day

Relying on habit stacking as part of a morning routine gets me through all the things I want to achieve before starting my work day. I started this after reading the Miracle Morning. Although I don’t subscribe to all the aspects in the book it really did help me to focus on what was important to me. Each day I meditate, exercise, drink coffee, empty the dishwasher, and read before showering and starting my work day. I’m a morning person so this routine works for me – I appreciate it wouldn’t work for everyone.

Using technology

This is paired with an evening set of jobs that Gemma Bray calls “being your future friend”. She has awesome body doubling tracks on her app that I use to walk me through an evening routine. It focuses on self care and also getting prepared for the next day – checking my calendar, choosing my outfit, knowing what’s for dinner etc.

I use reminders on my phone and on Alexa for things that have to be done at a certain time of day. The trick here is getting up to do the thing when the alarm goes off and not switching it off and forgetting it existed! I am the queen of post it notes and visual reminders too!

At work the best tool I have is a digital outlook calendar. Its the system my work uses so that’s what I have. What is useful to me about it is that it time blocks all my activities. I make appointments and meetings with others but I also use my to do list to allocate a specific time to do a task. I’m getting better at knowing how long things take and at stopping when the time is up!

Self regulation

The biggest lesson I’ve learned though is that I can only do this when my nervous system is calm and well regulated. All the tricks and hacks in the world won’t work if you’re too stressed to function. The poem earlier makes reference to doing what I love and that is so important for me to stay regulated. I can fall into patterns of highly anxious and stressed behaviour because I haven’t noticed the build up of stress. Slowing down and being intentional is a big part of me being able to manage. Its also one of the hardest things to do.

I’m sure it will be my life’s work to find out what I actually need. Instead of what everyone around me needs or thinks I should need. Healing in this way allows me to see time as a friend and not as the enemy. A clock to be beaten.

There will never be enough time to do what doesn’t really matter.