For people with ADHD the idea of learning to meditate can be daunting at best and terrifying at worst. Some people find the silence of meditation too triggering of past traumatic events for it to be considered therapeutic. For me it has been the key to being able to slow down and listen to my inner knowing, to connect with my body and to gift myself some time every day.

It didn’t come easy. There were lots of times I almost gave up thinking it wasn’t for me and that I couldn’t find the zen-like silence so often portrayed. That I struggle to find the consistency required to build a meditation practice. But that’s what it is. Its a practice. And so l practice.

Beditate > Meditate

This week I heard the word “beditate” for the first time and its the perfect description of what it is I do. I meditate in bed. Cosy and warm, I’m in no rush to start my day. I follow the voice on my headphones it stops the relentless churn that starts as soon as my brain realises I’m awake. I have also learned to be kind to myself when my mind inevitably wanders.

In order to build a habit I know that it has to have the tiniest first step and to remove any barriers. So I have an evening of making playlists of meditations on Insight Timer each month. Taking time to select a few on a theme. This month I had some from Alex Elle because she makes me feel so loved and held in tenderness. Some on internal family systems as I’m interested in how it relates to my thinking on embodiment. Others on a variety of other themes. This means that I don’t have to make any decisions about the subject each day, I just select the next one on the list. The tiny habit that I do (thanks to B. J. Fogg) is to put my headphones beside my bed and grab them as I switch my alarm off.

I then just cocoon myself in my bed, follow whatever guided meditation I have chosen and slowly join the day. It’s the same in reverse in the evenings. I’m proud of myself for having overcome my own limiting beliefs that I was not the kind of person who could consistently meditate. I now know that establishing this practice is what has allowed me to become consistent in other areas of my life. But more than that, it has allowed me to know what rest feels like. I needed rest. I’m worthy of rest.